my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
love makes seman taste better
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
