Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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