I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
