PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
