:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
