yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
