By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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