I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
