It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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