Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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