That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
