and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
