i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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