it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
