I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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