Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
