Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
