Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
