Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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