Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
