I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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