I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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