Can i not drive my cunt home
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
