who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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