And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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