Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
