I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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