i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
that is very illegal...i love you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
