I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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