tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Quick, to the slutcave!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
