first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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