one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
