She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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