Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
