They should really pass out barf bags in church
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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