i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
