Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
