She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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