Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
