Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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