Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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