Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
