Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
