i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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