I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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