I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
