Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
