The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
