Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
