Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize