We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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