so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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