living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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