Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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