yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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