Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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