need another drink. this is the easiest way
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
