I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize