Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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