i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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