Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
