I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
