: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
