FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
