I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
