We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
