the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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