my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm gonna fight the coyote
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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